"It's okay!" He said with a smile on his face.
"It won't matter in a couple of years."
My tears flowed even faster than before.
I made a mistake. It was all my fault, and I knew it. But he wouldn't say that.
My husband has been at WLC for a month now. A school that stands for Warrior Leaders Course. He is trying to make Commandant's list so that if/when he goes to the promotion board it looks really good for him. This requires good grades on their classroom work, and no negative counselings. He's been there almost a month, and only able to come home on weekends. Last night was the first night he was able to start coming home on week nights. I was so excited! I had worked 9-5:30 that day, and was looking forward to ordering a pizza, cuddling, and watching a movie. We went to bed early, around 9:30 or so, and as always he double checked to make sure his alarm was on. It was.
I remember being so sleepy. I hate alarms. I hate noise like that. I reached over within seconds of it going off, and turned it off. I probably mumbled something to Aaron, and I remember him moving. Normally, he reaches over to the only night stand we have on my side, and turns it off himself and gets up. But today, for some reason, I decided to shut it off. The next thing I remember is his phone ringing and me saying, "No! Aaron! You're late!" He jumped out of bed, and answered the call.. I knew instantly it was my fault, that I hadn't made sure he was awake. He probably hadn't woken up at all earlier when his alarm went off, just merely moved at the noise and movement I made. And I hadn't made sure.
In my shame I told him I'd grab his bag for him and go downstairs and wait in the car to drive the 10 minutes to where they meet. I sat down there and cried and cried knowing it was all my fault. He rushed down after getting dressed and shaving and opened the car door to see me crying and all I could muster to say was, "I'm sorry" over and over. That's when he said it.
"It's okay!" with a smile on his face, his hand resting on my knee.
After I explained that it wasn't and now he was going to get a negative counseling and it was all my fault he said the other thing;
"It won't matter in a couple of years"
I couldn't believe his response. Had those tables been flipped, I would have been so angry. I would've told him all the things that ran through my mind, without a filter. I would have yelled, and then probably followed it with a horribly uncomfortable silent treatment. But this loving man that I married, told me he loved me and smiled anyway, and said it was okay.
Aaron has told me before when I've gotten mad about things that he doesn't see what the big deal is. I don't always either, I just know that some things make me mad. Usually petty things, sometimes bigger things. But today he showed me that he really doesn't see the big deal, and that it's not worth a fight, or a relationship.
I so often am humbled at the way that my husband allows God's grace and love to flow through him into our marriage. Aaron didn't choose to get mad at me, or to tell me I'm a horrible wife (cause I was sure telling myself that). He chose to tell me that it was okay. Later on he told me that he was really upset but that it was an innocent mistake and he wasn't mad at me at all. He told me he loved me several times throughout the day as always, and asked me to forgive myself when I cried on the phone for like the 10th time that day. He also told me that he was not allowed to come home now until Saturday morning.. It's weird when the army basically grounds your husband.
Later in the afternoon I talked to a lady I babysit for to ask her if anything like that has happened with her husband in the army. She told me I had a long army career ahead of me, and a lot of alarms to turn off. She said the exact same thing happened to her husband while he was at the same school previously, and another happened just this past week. It felt good knowing I'm not the only one, and the more I thought about it I realized that I'm sure nearly every military wife has done something like this. The military isn't a normal job, it's a way of life, with high standards.. There's plenty of room for mistakes. On the soldiers part, and the dependents.
It's amazing to me to think that if a human such as Aaron in a situation like today could extend that kind of grace to someone he loves, then imagine how much God can extend to his children.. it's unbelievable! God loves us so much more than any human could even begin to understand. He sees the bigger picture. What I did today wasn't sin, it was a mistake, an accident. And when we mess up, God still love us. And when we sin, God still loves us. He desires our repentance and kindly walks with us.
I am so thankful to have a husband who embodies Christ in a way that daily points me to a deeper relationship with Jesus, and shows me the bigger picture in life.
